Little Openings
Moments that invite connection
Hello!
A small observation today. And, lest you be on the lookout for a graduation or father’s day gift dare I say that Big Ideas Little Pictures usually goes down well.
Wishing you some unexpected moments of connection this week,
Jono
I’ve long been intrigued by the innocuous power of Little Openings.
Say you are walking down a corridor with your hands full of papers and books. Before long, they start to slip. As you try to stabilise the falling papers, the rest go down in a clatter and flutter. However, a passerby in the corridor kneels down to help you pick everything up. They say hello. You say thank you. You each introduce yourselves, maybe exchange a laugh. You go on your way, books and papers in hand, feeling good about things with a new acquaintance. They continue on their way, happier to have helped someone out, and pleased to have met someone new they otherwise would have passed by.
The fall of books and papers, though it would at first seem unhelpful, actually created a little opening that enabled two people to connect who would have passed each other by.
So that’s a Little Opening: a small moment that invites connection.
Small imperfections in daily life often create opportunities for connection that wouldn’t otherwise exist. If everything worked smoothly and efficiently all the time, we’d have fewer opportunities to connect. A bit of friction can be a blessing.
In a Little Opening, you don’t have to help somebody, you don’t have to lend eggs to a neighbour, you don’t have to stop and give directions. But there’s an opportunity there, a little opening where you can.
Dogs (and small children) are masters of Little Openings: being inappropriately friendly, running across someone’s path, waiting for them while they snuffle around, or simply walking dogs together.
I’m sure you can think of a host of situations like this.
Reflecting on them, I think these openings are of at least four different types.
Moments of vulnerability
When there’s an opportunity to help in a tough spot
When you can’t work the parking machine
Reaching something off a high shelf
Getting a push chair with a baby up a flight of stairs
Looking lost in a foreign city, holding a map upside down
Helping with a car breakdown
Letting someone know what stop this is on a train
Picking up dropped shopping
Offering your parking spot in a busy parking lot
Borrowing eggs from your neighbour
Helping work the printer
Enforced cooperation
When people have to interact to go on their way
Waiting to let someone pass in a narrow space or on the stairs
Pressing the buttons for others in an elevator
Passing around a leaflet or sign-in sheet
Moving down in a packed commuter train
Clearing your things from a desk as someone sits down
Sometimes connection comes not from kindness or vulnerability, but because people briefly have to coordinate with one another.
Acts of kindness
When an opportunity for generosity presents itself
Holding the door for someone
Offering a snack
Sharing your umbrella
Moving seats for someone at a theatre
Giving away excess food at a picnic or camping
Lending a tool to make someone’s task easier
Micro-connections
Connecting through a moment of shared understanding or shared inconvenience
An old-fashioned cigarette break
Catching someone’s eye when a speaker says something you both think is silly/clever/funny
Waiting for a bus or an appointment together
Watching a beautiful sunset
Joining in a round of happy birthday for another table at a restaurant
A mutual groan as a train delay comes through the speaker
Coordinating in a power cut
Saying “Bless you” when someone sneezes
Travel in a foreign country opens up a host of Little Openings. It’s much easier to connect with fellow travellers trying to figure things out abroad than it would be to connect with them at home.
These little openings—through vulnerability, cooperation, kindness, or shared experience—form a little social bridge. Often they relax social barriers—don’t talk in the elevator, keep yourself to yourself, don’t make eye contact.
I stop short of deliberately dropping my books and papers on the floor, but I don’t hesitate to accept help when offered, give it when it might be appreciated or exchange a glance of shared understanding. These small disruptions make my everyday life a little warmer and kinder.
What Little Openings have you experienced?
Brendan Leonard wrote an illustrated story about “When we hold the door”
Related Ideas to Little Openings
Also see:
P.S. The borrowing egg moment is absolutely channelling my favourite Bluey episode: Omelette
This is lovely. As a regular cyclist my favourite interaction with strangers is at red lights when pedestrians don’t realise the light is green for them (lots of lights round here don’t beep) and I call out ‘it’s green/you can cross’ I always get a thank you or a smile.
This is such a smart way to describe how we connect.
One thing I've noticed living between cultures is that some cultures seem far more willing to step into these little openings than others.
In Italy, a stranger giving unsolicited advice, asking a personal question, or striking up a conversation is often an attempt at connection.
In Seattle, the same opening is more likely to be left untouched.
Neither is entirely better. One can feel intrusive, the other isolating.
But it has made me wonder how much belonging is created through these tiny moments of mutual interruption. 💙